Welcome to the SELF DEVELOPMENT JOURNAL

Number 24

I hope you will receive a fortnightly dose of motivation, inspiration, laughter and thought-provoking quotes. If you find yourself bogged down in our competitive, stressful work world, take a few minutes to read and then think about the positive messages you will receive. 

1. Inspirational Quotes

2. Values and Happiness

3. Wild Trivia

4. Metaphor

5. Attitudes determine Altitude

6. Jokes

7. Motivational

 

1. Inspirational Quotes 

Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, "... And what's that supposed to mean?"

Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.

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Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? - Lily Tomlin

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LISTEN  "When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me good advice, then you have not done what I asked of you. When I ask you to listen to me and you start explaining why I shouldn't feel as I do, then you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you think you must do something to sort out my problems, and then you fail me, however strange that may sound. Perhaps that is why praying helps some people. Because God is mute and doesn't give good advice or try to "fix" things. He only listens and lets me take care of myself. So please, just listen to me, and if you want to say something, be patient. Then, I promise, I'll listen to you."  - Anonymous

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“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald, Author

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 “Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.” – Unknown

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"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right." - Henry Ford

 

2. VALUES AND HAPPINESS by Bill Harris 

Values can be very powerful in determining whether you are happy or unhappy. Values that are in conflict, or are in some other way not resourceful, create suffering for you. Luckily, the process of correcting this is not difficult. 

First, you have to discover what your values are, in other words, take them from being unconscious to being conscious. Ask yourself, "What is important to me about life?" Make a list of the top ten or twelve life values. For example, you might have a list that looks like this: 

What is important to me about life: 

Family

A challenging career

Peace of mind

Financial security

The ability to help others

Time for recreation

Sex

Not being hurt (notice this is an "away from" value)

Privacy (might also be an away from)

....and so on 

I just listed these to give you some samples, not because I think these are "good" values. I just made them up, and yours may be quite different. 

As you make your list, be sure to be honest with yourself. Don't make a list of what you think your values should be. List what really is important to you. When you're done, ask yourself, "What did I fail to list that is important but I didn't list the first time?" This may help you discover a few more. In fact, often the most important values come up during this second round of asking. 

The second step is to put the values in hierarchical order. Decide which value is most important, which is second, and so on. Then, test to see if this order is really the correct order by asking "If I could only have #1 but not #2, would that be okay?" If so, #1 really should be higher than #2. If not, ask "If I could have #2 but not #1, would that be okay?" You will be able to feel inside which is more important. Compare each value to each other value until you know for sure which is #1, which is #2, and so on. 

The third step is to check and see if there are any two values that are in conflict. If there are, one of two things will be the case. Either the conflict is not really a conflict because both values serve the same higher purpose in your life, and you just THINK there is a conflict, or there really is a conflict, in which case you might want to make a decision about whether eliminating one value or moving it up or down in the hierarchy might better serve you. 

Then, look and see if there are values that, upon examination, are not resourceful for you. Are there any that keep creating suffering for you? In the above list, for instance, "not being hurt" is an away from value (something you move away from instead of toward) and causes you to focus on "being hurt" and ultimately causes you to BE hurt, even though that's not what you want. 

Other values may jump out at you as creating dramas, problems, and other suffering. 

I know someone who values getting all the information before making a decision or taking action. She is constantly in crisis because she waits too long to get herself in gear and do what needs to be done. "Getting all the information before doing something" is a value that does not serve her and creates constant drama in her life. 

Just becoming conscious of what your values are, and evaluating them in terms of how resourceful they are can create tremendous change. Remember that it is not possible to do something harmful to yourself and do it consciously. To be non-resourceful requires you to do it unconsciously. Becoming conscious causes all non-resourceful parts of your map of reality to fall away. 

A key point is that you probably have the values you have because they helped you feel safe while growing up. For this reason, you may resist changing them, even if you consciously want to. Adhering to them in your family was the way to fit in or avoid the displeasure of your parents (or other authority figures), and for this reason you strongly associate them with safety. The idea of dropping any of them, even if they are creating suffering, will cause an unconscious part of you to resist. Unless you want the results they bring, you must make a decision to drop any part of your map of reality that does not serve you, and to do that you must reassure that unconscious part that is afraid that things will be better after the change, not worse. 

The overriding thing to remember is that your map of reality will create the life you live, and you can choose your map of reality. You don't have to take the one you were handed by parents, teachers, TV, society in general when you were little, and which is now running on auto pilot and creating the results you get in your life. To make these changes takes persistent effort and often courage, but it is well worth it. Being willing to let go of the old way of seeing yourself, other people, and the world is absolutely necessary if you want to make these changes. 

 4. Wild Trivia  thanks Margot Cuthbert

   If your birthday is on......

   December 23rd~ January 1st = Red

   January 2nd ~ January 11th = Orange

   January 12th ~ January 24th = Yellow

   January 25th ~ February 3rd = Pink

   February 4th ~ February 8th = Blue

   February 9th ~ February 18th = Green

   February 19th ~ February 28th = Brown

   March 1st ~ March 10th = Aqua

   March 11th ~ March 20th = Lime

   March 21st = Black

   March 22nd ~ March 31st = Purple

   April 1st ~ April 10th = Navy

   April 11th ~ April 20th = Silver

   April 21st ~ April 30th = White

   May 1st ~ May 14th = Blue

   May 15th ~ May 24th = Gold

   May 25th ~ June 3rd= Cream

   June 4th ~ June 13th = Grey

   June 14th ~ June 23rd = Maroon

   June 24th = Grey

   June 25th ~ July 4th = Red

   July 5th ~ July 14th = Orange

   July 15th ~ July 25th = Yellow

   July 26th ~ August 4th = Pink

   August 5th ~ August 13th = Blue

   August 14th ~ August 23rd = Green

   August 24th ~ September 2nd = Brown

   September 3rd ~ September 12th = Aqua

   September 13th ~ September 22nd = Lime

   September 23rd = Olive

   September 24th ~October 3rd = Purple

   October 4th ~ October 13th = Navy

   October 14th ~ October 23rd = Silver

   October 24th ~November 11th = White

   November 12th ~ November 21st = Gold

   November 22nd ~ December 1st = Cream

   December 2nd ~ December 11th = Grey

   December 12th~ December 21st = Maroon

   December 22nd = Teal

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RED Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.

 CREAM Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long time.

TEAL You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.

 GREY You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and express    everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up people’s day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have good sense of humour.

GREEN You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words. You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.

 GOLD You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.

PINK You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.   

 YELLOW You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic relationship.

 MAROON You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to make things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble for not thinking about other people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love. Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.

ORANGE  You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach and you really work hard to get there, you are competitive. Your friends are really important to you and you appreciate what you have, you sometimes over react that's because you are sensitive.  

PURPLE   You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for a person that's trustworthy.  

LIME You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

SILVER You are imaginative and fun, you love trying new things. You like to challenge yourself and you learn things easily, you're easy to talk to and you give good advice. When comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them forever.

BLACK You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.  

OLIVE You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.  

BROWN  You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.  

BLUE   You may have low self-esteem, and can be very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart. 

NAVY You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry with someone, it’s hard for you to forgive them.  

You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don't react to things easily. You are different and sometimes weird, but everyone loves that in you.  

AQUA   Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily. It's hard to find love for you, and get lost in love easily, sometimes get hurt by love.

 

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GET SOME SUN by Victoria 

I know doctors warn us of the evils of the sun, but the truth is, a little sunshine is good for our health. A small daily dose of sun on the skin boosts the immune system and helps the body to make vitamin D, a necessary nutrient. You must have Vitamin D combined with calcium to prevent osteoporosis. 

Get 15 minutes of sunshine a day, during the early morning or late afternoon hours and avoid the peak rays between 10:00 am and 2:00 pm. Make sure the skin you expose is not covered with sunscreen so you don't block out the healthful rays. 

Don't overdo it. As with anything, moderation is key. 

YOGHURT SUNBURN RELIEVER

If you overdo it this time of year and happen to get sunburn, try this natural remedy: 

Mix equal parts plain yoghurt and mashed, fresh strawberries. Smear on the burned area(s) and leave on for 15-20 minutes. Rinse gently with cold water and your skin will be soothed and moisturized. 

ABOUT VICTORIA  Victoria is the author of the popular "Living Well Plan" for weight loss, long-term health, and happiness.

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4. Metaphor

 "Here, I grow again!"  By Bob Perks  

 I sat on the hill in my yard a while and wondered about the day. I wanted to know what tomorrow will bring and what to do with yesterday. I have thought these thoughts a million times and each time just gave in. But I discovered today that the answer lies not what I'm without, but what's within.  

This grand revelation came from watching my dog play with a blade of grass. We've had some heavy rains the last few days and I haven't had the opportunity to just sit outside. But today the clouds gave way to the sun and at least for a few minutes I was able to catch up on my thinking.  It was when I looked down at a blade of grass that I discovered the answers I had been searching for all this time. You see, no matter how many times I cut that grass it always grows back. It thrives if there's too much rain and survives if there is a drought. You can walk on it and it springs back up. You can dig it up and throw it somewhere else and it will grow right where it lies.     If a blade of grass can do all that, why are we so fragile?  You would think that God would have made the human being a lot more durable than that. Why is it that after a few times that life cuts you down, you decide not to grow any more? Why is it that when we hit the dry times in our lives we curl up and die in spirit? Why is it that when the big guys walk all over you, you don't spring back up to where you rightfully belong? Why is it that when life uproots your plans you can never see the potential for new growth wherever you are? Do you think for a moment that God created a blade of grass to be more than you? Just like the answers were in that blade of grass, so are the answers within you. The blade of grass was God's way of telling me to  "bloom where you are planted."  

"Here, I grow again.”

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5. ATTITUDE DETERMINES ALTITUDE 

Unlike some things in life, we can choose our outlook. Sometimes we just need a reminder that happiness can often simply be a result of choosing attitudes:  

 I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight.  I have responsibilities to fulfil today. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have. 

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free. 

Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste. 

Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive. 

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.  

 Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships. 

 Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

 Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new titbits of knowledge.

 Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honoured because God has provided shelter for my mind, body, and soul.

 Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What today will be like is up to me.

 

I get to choose what kind of day I will have!"  (Author unknown) 

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6. Jokes   

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

mmmmmm

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.   And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."

mmmmmm

 My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

mmmmmm

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

 "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

mmmmmm

 I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

mmmmmm

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, and proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

mmmmmm

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.   Police say that he topped himself.

mmmmmm

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.    Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

mmmmmm

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "

"Is it common? "

"It's not unusual."

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

"No, because he's really heavy"

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

mmmmmm

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you   give me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

mmmmmm

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.  They charged one and let the other one off.

mmmmmm 

The world's funniest joke   October 4, 2002 

Scientists in Britain unveiled the world's funniest joke yesterday at the end of the largest study of humour ever. For the past year, people around the globe were invited to judge jokes using a five-point "Giggleometer" on the Internet, as well as to contribute quips of their own.  The LaughLab experiment conducted by psychologist Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.  As well as identifying the joke that appealed most to people around the world, the experiment - not surprisingly - revealed wide humour differences between nations.

Scans conducted on people being told jokes also identified the brain's laughter centre - a region near the back of the frontal lobes. The joke that received the highest global ratings was submitted by psychiatrist Gurpal Gosall from Manchester in northern England. 

Here it is: 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his mobilephone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?" 

"Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people," Wiseman said. "But this one had real universal appeal."  Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.

 People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my nose.”

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that." 

Americans and Canadians favoured jokes where people were made to look stupid.

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?" 

Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'

"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'" 

Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:

"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years." 

Animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:

"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"

 

The survey revealed other funny facts:

- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.

- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.

- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."  Researchers said no one ever found it funny.

The findings can be read at www.laughlab.co.uk

 

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 7. Motivational Develop A Clear Vision by Brian Tracy thanks Carol Ann

 The one quality that all leaders have in common is that they have a clear and exciting vision for the future. This is something that only the leader can do. Only the leader can think about the future and plan for the future each day. 

Take The Time To Think - Excellent leaders take the time to think through and develop a clear picture of where they want the organization to be in one, three and five years. Leaders have the ability to communicate this vision in such a way that others "buy in" and eventually see the vision as belonging to them. 

Motivate People To Give Of Their Best - It is the vision of the future possibilities, of what can be, that arouses emotion and motivates people to give of their best. The most powerful vision is always qualitative, aimed at and described in terms of values and mission rather than quantitative, which is described in terms of money and numbers. 

Money Is Important - Of course, money is important, but the decision and commitment to "be the best in the business" is far more exciting. 

Keep Your Cool - Another key to leadership success is for you to "keep your cool." A study at Stanford Business School examined the qualities that companies look for in promoting young managers toward senior executive positions, especially the position of Chief Executive Officer. 

The study concluded that the two most important qualities required for great success were, first, the ability to put together and function as part of a team. Since all work is ultimately done by teams, and the managers' output is the output of the team, the ability to select team members, set objectives, delegate responsibility and finally, get the job done, was central to success in management.

Practice Patience Is Everything - The second quality required for rapid promotion was found to be the ability to function well under pressure, and especially in a crisis. Keeping your cool in a crisis means to practice patience and self-control under difficult or disappointing circumstances. 

People Are Watching - The character and quality of a leader is often demonstrated in these critical moments under fire, when everyone is watching, observing and privately taking notes. As Rudyard Kipling once said, "If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, then the world is yours and all that's in it". 

Your job as a leader is to have a clear vision of where you want to go and then to keep your cool when things go wrong, as they surely will. 

Action Exercises 

 Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action: 

First, project forward 3-5 years and imagine your ideal future vision. What does it look like? What steps can you take immediately to begin turning your future vision into your current reality? 

Second, resolve in advance that, no matter what happens, you will remain calm and cool. You will not become upset or angry. You will take a deep breath and focus on the solution rather than on the problem. 

 __________

Brian Tracy is one of the world's leading authorities on personal and business success. Visit Brian's web site  http://www.getmotivation.com/briantracy  

 

 

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Let's start an epidemic of achievers and cheerful people!!

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I would like to make this a good fun read, so if any of you have any suggestions/contributions please, please let me know.  Credit will be given to any contributors. I intend to put it out every 2 weeks. (The God of computer land willing.) Please FORWARD this on to everyone you can think of and feel free to copy whatever you want.

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