Welcome to my newsletter:

Quotes and Jokes, Plus Anything Else I Find That I Think You Might Find Useful.

You will receive a fortnightly dose of motivation, inspiration, laughter and thought-provoking quotes. If you find yourself bogged down in our competitive, stressful work world, take a few minutes to read and then think about the positive messages you will receive.

In this issue:

1. Inspirational Quote

2. Joke

3. 10 ways to say No

4. A Question I have recently answered for expertcorp.com.au

5. Wild Trivia

6. Metaphor

7. Affirmations for Success

8. Proud photo of our new CD

9. Motivational Article

You have one shot at today. Use it to learn, love and laugh!

1. Quote

"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people." Oscar Wilde.

"We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate."

- Kin Hubbard

"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. You don't have charge of the constellations, but you do have charge of whether you read, develop new skills, and take new classes." Jim Rohn

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful,

to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some

difference that you have lived and lived well.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist

2. Joke

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!"

The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman calls out, "Hey! Hey, you! Are you Jesus?"

The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head.” Yes, I am Jesus" he says.

The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Er, excuse me Sir, but are you Jesus?"

Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Australian calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of VB for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh God, the arthritis is gone," he says. The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock.” By Jove," he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a Miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face.

"Back off, mate. I'm on compo".

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic!

Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.

A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"

The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of... an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"

PROMISE LAST RELEGIOUS JOKE

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

"Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?"

"That I did, sir."

"And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?"

"No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother couldn't do this to save his life!"

Q:Why did the casino's black-jack person go see a shrink?

A:He couldn't deal with it any more.

Q:Why did the magazine editor go see a shrink?

A:He had some issues.

3. How to say No

I have listed seventeen ways here to say “no”. Don’t let me put the words in your mouth. Take the ones you like, change them around and you use the words that are comfortable for you. The point is, if you are ever in a position when you can never say “no”, then you are always saying “yes”, and like the song says, “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for everything”.

Try these:

“I’m sorry. That’s not a priority for me right now.”

“I can’t help you on this now, but I can get to it next week. Would that be okay?”

“I have so much on my plate now I don’t know when I can get to it. But I do know someone over here who can help you now.”

“Before I take this on for you, let me show you a few things so that you might be able to do it yourself.”

“I have made so many commitments to others, it would be unfair to them and you if I took on anything more at this point.”

“If I can’t give you a ride to the school dance on Friday, how else would you get there safely?”

“I don’t know how soon I can help you on this, but I will get back to you as soon as I am free to help you.”

“I’m sure we’re close enough that when I say “no” you’ll understand it’s for a good reason.”

“Sure I can help you with your request as long as we both agree and understand that the item I agreed to do for you yesterday is going to have to wait.”

“Before I take this over from you, what do you think we ought to do about it?”

“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, I sure can do that for you. The bad news is, I’m so overloaded with everything else, I’ve become delirious and have been lying about my commitments.”

“When I get overwhelmed like I am now, I remove every third person who asks me for something, from my “Good Friends List” and the second person just left.”

“No.”

“Thanks for thinking to ask me, but, no thanks.”

“I would like to help you out on this but you understand I don’t have the resources available to do the right job for you.”

“Now that’s the type of thing I would love to help you on if only I had the time.”

“Just like you, I get overloaded sometimes and have to tell some very special people, “no”. This is one of those times.”

www.websitemanagers.com.au

4. A Question I have recently answered for xpertcorp.com

Question: What is meditation? And how do I do it?

By the regular practice of yoga meditation, you can greatly reduce tension and stress and overcome anxiety, worry, and other disturbances of the mind. This, of course, is why this ancient yoga practice has become so popular even in the modern world.

There are various kinds of yoga meditation, but the most authoritative and popular is yoga sound meditation. Anyone can practice this method of meditation, which is very easy to learn. We can do it today.

These are some of the basic principles of yoga sound meditation:

First, the technique centres around the repetition of specific ancient yoga sounds that have been passed down from yoga teacher to disciple from time immemorial. These sounds are usually repeated both audibly and mentally.

Second, practitioners should try to focus their attention on the sounds as they hear them. In other words, when either you or someone else is saying the sounds, you should listen to them carefully. This keeps the mind from jumping about to all sorts of thoughts and worries. However, focusing your attention on the sound is not forceful—rather, it can be described as loose concentration. With this method you don't get upset when you discover that your mind has wandered off the yoga sound. You just gently bring your attention back to it.

Third, in yoga meditation the practitioner never tries to stop the mind or make it blank. According to yoga, such attempts will simply lead to frustration. It's actually impossible to make your mind completely blank or to stop it from working.

Fourth, stay alert ... don't fall asleep.

Fifth, when you say the sound audibly, listen to it very carefully and closely. This means that you don't want to say the sound too softly or you won't be able to hear it, especially if there are other noises around.

Sixth, don't worry about the pitch or the tone of the sound you are making or whether or not it sounds beautiful. In other words, don't be self-conscious about the quality of your voice.

Sometimes we do yoga sound meditation in synchronization with breathing, and sometimes we don't. Both of the techniques below use breath synchronization.

So, to practice yoga sound meditation with me now.

Synchronizing yoga sound meditation with breathing helps focus the mind. Do complete yoga breathing if possible, filling your lungs from the bottom to the top. Inhale first to your abdomen, letting it expand; then bring the breath to your middle and then your upper lungs to complete the inhalation. As you exhale, release the air from your upper lungs first, then your middle, and finally your lower lungs, contracting your abdomen slightly as you complete your exhalation. You'll find the slow, deep breaths very relaxing. I will show you how to do this now. The breathing technique Ujjayi Pranayama is extremely beneficial to both body and mind. Overall, it tones the lungs and encourages the free and healthy flow of prana (subtle energy or chi) throughout your body. Its nerve-soothing, calming effect helps regulate blood pressure and is good for those with heart problems. It brings oxygen to all parts of the lungs, relieving congestion. If you suffer from insomnia, you'll find it invaluable for relaxing before sleep. Because it is also so effective for focusing and calming the mind, yogis often practice Ujjayi Pranayama in conjunction with meditation. Let me show you how.

5. Wild Trivia

AN ORGANIZING TIP FROM ONE OF OUR READERS

After a co-workers home burned I started thinking about my home insurance. We're insured for the house and contents,

but what if I had to show what I had?

So, I took my digital video camera and taped the rooms. I stood in the middle of the room, turned in a slow circle

and zoomed in on the things that are most valuable, keeping both monetary value and sentimental value in mind.

I downloaded the tape onto a CD-Rom through my new computer with a CD-R port. Now, I have a complete record in a VERY

small space that fits into the fireproof box with receipts and documents.

If anything happens and we do lose anything, or everything, I have a complete record and a visual reminder of sentimental items.

I also store photos on the CDs so they will also survive a fire. I can't imagine losing my daughter's baby pictures or any of my other family photos.

It takes some time to do this but the potential savings are priceless.

Jeanne Kacprowicz

Marilla, NY

6. Metaphor

DON’T ACT LIKE AN ELEPHANT – written by Thomas J. Stevens **

----------------------------------------------------

Strange statement, isn't it?

But listen carefully because it can make the difference of success and failure in your business and private life.

So, let me explain...

You might know that in India elephants are used for manual labor. But what to do with them when they are not working? How to restrain them?

Their handlers came up with the idea to "program" them while they are still very young - by setting self-imposed limits into their thinking.

How does it work?

When the elephants are still small, weighing around 150 pounds, they get tied up with a very heavy rope. All day long, the elephants try to get rid of it, whine, tug at it and some of them even try to chew it. But they can't break free.

Finally, the elephants give up and the fight is over.

And now it's getting interesting...

From this moment on, they strongly believe that there is absolutely no chance to get rid of the rope. They accept the "fact" that the rope limits them.

And with this imprinted belief in place, their handlers are able to tie them with extremely small ropes!

And even as adults, weighing 8,000 pounds and more, they never attempt to break free because they "know" they have no chance at all!

As you can see, the elephants limits are not real, but exist only in their mind.

And also we are programmed with built-in-boundaries. They are also not real but exist only in our minds.

But with these imprinted belief systems, with these inner boundaries, we are unable...

- to live our lives to the fullest

- to be successful as we could be

- to set and reach higher goals

- to make 10 times more money as we do now

- to build a successful business

- to get the promotion and pay increase

we always dreamed of

- to fulfill our true dreams and desires

- etc.

But it hasn't to stay this way. Our negative belief systems don't have to limit us for good.

If you *truly* want to become successful and are not kidding yourself, you *can* change your inner belief system, your attitude, and break your inner boundaries.

You *always* have the inner strength; the personal power to change everything in your life for the better. Just try!

So, never give up! Never act like an elephant!

9. Motivational Article

ABANDON ALL HOPE

by Marc Gibson

Centerpointe Research Center

http://chetday.com/cgi-bin/pl.cgi?center

Remember the monk who went to his master and said, "I don't understand. I've followed your instruction, kept

your precepts, meditated daily. And STILL, the problems in my life pursue me like a raging tornado!"

And the master replies, "Don't be a fool. You can't outrun a tornado. Stop wasting your energy. Instead, move directly into the centre of the tornado, for within the eye of the storm there is peace."

The idea here is that fear can make you expend a lot of energy avoiding reality. And reality has a way of catching up to us one way or another. And if we are expectant of specific outcomes, be they positive or negative, we're wasting energy.

So part of releasing your fears has to do with letting go of any concretized expectations you have -- positive or negative.

I know it's not a popular thing to say, but confronting your fear is for weenies. You have to do more than that.

Confront it, and then become it.

Abandon your expectations about what is supposed to happen -- good or bad -- and move into the dead center of it and see what happens.

Worried about death? Go to a funeral. Or visit a terminally ill person. Worried about money? Go check out the people downtown who think cat food leftovers are a feast. Worried about loss? Talk to the parents of a child lost to disease or violence. Get the idea?

Maybe your life has already been touched by these kinds of experiences. Fear is relative to the person and to the situation. But one thing you will learn by doing these kinds of things is a new understanding of what strength is, and what it is to be human. Fear can destroy us, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The key to handling it is to release any areas in your life where you have concretized expectations. If you're absolutely, positively sure that you'll be earning more money next year, let go of it. Goal-set toward it, but don't concretize it. If you're absolutely, positively sure that you're a complete failure, let go of it.

The universe has other lessons to teach you once you are open enough to possibilities.

Music on this newsletter is “magical.mid ”

If you presently are not on our mailing list and wish to subscribe to this newsletter send a blank email to newsletter-subscribe@hypnotherapy.net.au

If you wish to unsubscribe to this newsletter please send a blank email to

newsletter-unsubscribe@hypnotherap.net.au

Please be aware that nobody else has access to this mailing list.

Thank you for reading my newsletter - I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy putting it together for you. May you attain all your goals and reach your dreams with a well balanced, fulfilling life! I wish you good health, happiness and success in all you strive to achieve!

Let’s start an epidemic of achievers and cheerful people!!

Request

I would like to make this a good fun read, so if any of you have any suggestions/contributions please, please let me know. Credit will be given to any contributors. I intend to put it out every 2 weeks. (The God of computer land willing.) Please FORWARD this on to everyone you can think of and feel free to copy whatever you want.

Lyndall Briggs - Kingsgrove Hypnosis & Counselling Centre

64 Shaw Street

Kingsgrove NSW 2208

Phone/Fax 02 95543350