Welcome to SELF DEVELOPMENT NEWS
Quotes and Jokes, Plus Anything Else I Find That I Think You Might Find Useful

You will receive a fortnightly dose of motivation, inspiration, laughter and thought-provoking quotes. If you find yourself bogged down in our competitive, stressful work world, take a few minutes to read and then think about the positive messages you will receive.

In this issue:

1. Inspirational Quotes

2. Jokes

3. A Question I have recently answered for expertcorp.com.au

4 . Wild Trivia

5 . Metaphor

6 . Affirmations for Success

7. Motivational Article

You have one shot at today. Use it to learn, love and laugh!

1. Quotes
"You don't live on what you eat, but only on what you digest. This is true for your mind as well as for your body." - Benjamin Franklin

"We live in deeds, not years: In thoughts not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives Who thinks most,feels the noblest, acts the best." - David Bailey

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." - John Wooden

"The use of the imagination is a wonderful blessing if you will use it. You will become happier, more enlightened, alive, impassioned, light-hearted and generous to everybody else. Even your health will improve. Colds will disappear and all the other ailments of discouragement and boredom."-BRENDA UELAND

2. Jokes - Funny church stories – thanks Jan

Collection Plate
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the
offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped
up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin
asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know
that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like
the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤

A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service:
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash
against us."

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mum is a good cook."

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime
story. >From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up
to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then
his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes,
sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused,
"Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you
just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a dead cat. She asked "How do you know that it was dead?"

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!'and it didn't move."

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

3 . A Question I have recently answered for xpertcorp.com
Question: What can I do to improve my memory?

Research has shown that these substances improve your memory: Amino Acids - Acetyl-L-Carnitine (ALC), Glutamic Acid, Glutamine and Taurine. Minerals - Boron, Magnesium, Potassium and Sodium. Vitamins - Choline, Folic Acid, Vitamin B1, the Nicotinic Acid form of Vitamin B3, Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, and Vitamin E. Herbs - American and Siberian Ginseng, Astragalus, Balm (tea), Ginkgo biloba, Golden Root, Gotu Kola, Sage tea and Rosemary tea ingested orally or Rosemary oil massaged topically onto the temples. Vegetables - Aged Garlic. On a more basic note eat a well balanced diet with plenty of healthy snacks available, cut out caffeine drinks, drink a lot of fresh water, get plenty of good quality sleep, have stately Baroque music playing in the background (it has been shown to favourable affect you brainwaves), sit up straight, cut down on TV as this trains your attention to be passive and dull, remember the brain needs 30 times more blood than other organs so check to see if your posture is putting a crimp on the blood supply to your brain and make sure you get the blood pumping every hour even if this just means having a good stretch, five minutes on the exercise bike or a even 10 deep even breaths to help clear the cobwebs.

4 . Wild Trivia
I bet you didn't know you could do the following things with Alka Seltzer:

Clean a toilet : Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action cleans vitreous china.

Clean a vase :To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

Polish jewellery : Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewellery for two minutes.

Clean a Thermos bottle : Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

Unclog a drain : Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run hot water.

REMENISING thanks Sue

Go back in time.... Before the Internet and DVDs. Before shootings, stabbings, joy-riders and crystal meth... Before SEGA or Super Nintendo. Way back...I'm talking about hide and seek in the park. The corner dairy, hopscotch,go carts, cricket in front of the rubbish bin, skipping, handstands, footy on the best lawn in the street, bullrush, go home stay home, slipnslide, the trampoline with water on it, hula hoops, pogo sticks, jumping in enormous puddles, mud pies and building dams in the gutter. Summer lasted all holidays, and it hardly rained, and when it did you would see half your class at the pictures. The smell of fresh cut grass and making birds nests on the school field. 'Big bubbles no troubles' with hubba bubba bubblegum. A choc-top Mr Whippy cone on a warm summer night after you've chased him 'round the block. When 20 cents worth of mixed lollies was a meal and smoking fags was really cool. Watching cartoons...short commercials, the Thunderbirds, Scooby-do, Captain Caveman, Hong Kong Phooey, The Mickey Mouse Club, Josie and the pussycats,and heeeey heeeeey heeeeeeey it's Faaaaaaat Albert. And staying up late on a long weekend and watching the Sunday Horrors.When around the corner seemed far away, and going into town seemed like going somewhere. A million mozzie bites, wasp and bee stings. Sticky fingers. Cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, riding bikes and catching tadpoles. Swimming in the neighbours' pool, drawing all over the road with chalk. Climbing trees. Walking to school, no matter what the weather. Running till you were out of breath. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt. Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights, spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for the giggles. Being tired from playing... Remember that? The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team. Water balloons! were the ultimate weapon. Choppers, ape hangers and banana seats and long fluoresent flags... eating raw jelly, making homemade lemonade. Remember when... There were two types of sneakers - girls and boys, and the only time you wore them at school, was for "sportsday." You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents! You would rollerskate everywhere -all day. It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends. You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas eve. When nobody owned a pure-bred dog. When 20c was decent pocket money and 50c was rich. When nearly everyone's mum was at home when the kids got there from school. It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at Cobb and Co with your parents. When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to that which awaited a misbehaving student at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some of us are still afraid of them!!! When you spoke to adults by calling them Mr or Mrs whoever, and Auntie or Uncle rather than their first names. Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that! Remember when.... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo". "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handledby whoever was the banker in "Monopoly". The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was boy/girl germs, and the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one. Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot. Nobody was prettier than your Mum. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable vitamin C. Ice cream was considered a basic food group. Going to the beach and catching a wave was a dream come true. Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dare". Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most of these, then you have LIVED!!!!

5 . Metaphor
There once was a boy with a very bad character. His father gave him a box of spikes and told him to hammer one into the garden fence every time he lost his patience and got into an argument with someone.

The first day the boy hammered 37 spikes into the fence. Over the next few weeks he began learning to control himself, and the number of spikes he had to hammer diminished day by day. He had discovered that exercising self-control was a lot easier than hammering spikes.

Finally the day arrived when the boy didn't hammer any spikes into the fence.

He went to see his father and told him that he hadn't had to nail any spikes that day at all. His father told him to pull a spike out of the fence every day he didn't lose temper. Days passed, and finally the boy was able to inform his father that all the spikes had been removed. The father walked with his son over to the fence and said: "My son, you have done well, but look at all the holes in the fence. It will never be the same as it was before.

"When you fight with someone and say terrible things, you create wounds just like these holes. You can stick a knife into someone and then pull it out, but the scar will always be there. No matter how many times you say you're sorry, the scar will remain."

A wound caused by words is as bad as a physical wound. Friends are like precious jewels, they make you smile, they encourage you, they're there to help you and listen to you when you're in need. They offer you support, and open their hearts to you.

6. Affirmations or A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for a short time; please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness). Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from Nature; please treasure me as Nature intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kinds of decisions that life requires of me.

8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me to my brother or sister.

9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please teach me how to pray or meditate regularly, do it yourself regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about spirituality and inspirational stories.

7 . Motivational Article

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood

andalways has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,

"If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee

how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two

choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ...you can choose to

be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can

choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their

complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the

positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away

all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to

situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Industry to

start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when

I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later,

I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60

feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was

released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how

he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his

mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my

mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter, " Michael replied.

"Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or ..I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I

was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the

expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.

In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?"

I asked."Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,"

said Michael.

"She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied."

The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.

I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.

Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Michael lived, thanks to the

skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned

from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own." After all, today is the tomorrow

you worried about yesterday.

Have a Great day and remember to Smile!

Music on this newsletter is “ Icanseeclearlynow ”

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Thank you for reading my newsletter - I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy putting it together for you. May you attain all your goals and reach your dreams with a well balanced, fulfilling life! I wish you good health, happiness and success in all you strive to achieve!

Let’s start an epidemic of achievers and cheerful people!!

Request
I would like to make this a good fun read, so if any of you have any suggestions/contributions please, please let me know. Credit will be given to any contributors. I intend to put it out every 2 weeks. (The God of computer land willing.) Please FORWARD this on to everyone you can think of and feel free to copy whatever you want.

Lyndall Briggs - Kingsgrove Hypnosis & Counselling Centre

64 Shaw Street

Kingsgrove NSW 2208

Phone/Fax 02 95543350